About Me

A Foodie’s Journey to Healthier Living- Childhood

Growing up in India, I was that fat girl in class, college, university. At the best of times, I have been described as ‘cute’ or ‘chubby’ or ‘curvy’ but mostly it was that ‘fat’ girl. I always loved eating. Loving mother, grandmother, aunts and other relatives loved to cook and feed us. In fact, I don’t remember much of hugging, kissing, cuddling or verbal expressions of their love. I do remember being fed till we could eat no more and then fed some more.

I hid my poor body image behind my books. We were taught the importance of an education and the overwhelming importance of being the topper in class. This led me to believe that it compensated for any other shortcomings I may have in life. I rarely played any sports and wore my badge of being a studious intellectual proudly. Perhaps faintly looking down at the girls who were more concerned about their figure and beauty. 🙂 I was too young to associate any of this with health.

Struggles through my 20s and early 30s

As I stepped into adulthood and started living on my own, I encountered the usual urban loneliness many single people face. My work sort of anchored me and filled up my life. And if there were any empty spaces in between, I filled those with more alcohol, fast food, overeating, dating (mostly unsuitable guys) and other random social encounters. ‘Lose weight’ now started appearing in my new year resolutions. Often quantified as ‘Lose 5 kgs’ or the more ambitious ‘Lose 25 kgs’. But seldom did I follow through with more concrete steps. 🙂

I vaguely knew that one shouldn’t eat too much of sweets, fast food or very greasy, heavy dishes. But that was more like- ‘let’s not have that second helping of cake’. Or ‘let me skip the fries with the burger and take the smaller coke’. Sometimes I would start with a few odd days of walking or slow jogging. Or I remember buying an exercise cycling machine which ended up as a clothes hanger in one corner of my study.

TURNING POINT: MEETING THE CAVEMAN….

It was much later in my mid 30s when I met ‘Paleoman’, my future husband that my journey towards health and fitness really started. I learnt a little bit about the “Paleo lifestyle” from him. He had been living it for a couple of years then. It seemed incredible to me that someone could actually live and eat like that, but I was curious and open to try it out. Not knowing much about health, fitness, diets- everything was shiny, wondrous and fascinating.

I soaked it up and went all out like a newly converted zealot. I read up various articles and changed my daily meals to adhere to a very low-carb high protein Paleo friendly diet. Went for yoga classes, got into personal training at a local gym, went for regular walks and was spewing tips and advice to all and sundry. When I look back, I now see myself as a bit annoying know-it-all Paleo missionary who basked in the glory of newfound love and the affirmation of quick results.

Now Paleo is old-hat and one doesn’t need to talk much about it. Keto was the next trend and people were fervently eating sticks of butter and cheese. So yeah- my choices now in hindsight seem tame in comparison. 🙂 But I must admit it was a bit challenging at first and took a lot of commitment to stick to it for 2 years. Especially through various ups and downs (mostly ups) in life as I moved from Bangalore to Singapore. Many changes and adjustments were required as I moved in with my partner, started at a new role in a new office, moved houses, got married and recruited domestic helpers who needed to be trained and managed.

I wish there was a “The End. And they lived Happily Ever After” sign that I could hang here at this point of my life script. As you may guess- that is not the case. Life is seldom that simple and straight as an arrow.

MEANDERING ALONG AND GOING DOWNHILL….

I was fuzzy about the reasons for the derailment. Was it my constant traveling, was it my lack of discipline, was it my complacence once I got married, was it simply stress as I tried to adjust to multiple changes at work and in personal life or was it something else underneath it all.

Anyways, fact is that I slowly started moving back to my old habits and slipping out of my low-carb diet and Paleo lifestyle. I started eating higher carb foods, added back gluten, dairy, sugar. Often sneaking these in the form of an after-dinner dessert – a guilty pleasure when I was out of home. Later I ate more openly, boldly with a post-rationalised justification. “This is more ‘normal’ and sustainable in the long run”. But the guilt remained. And I remained addicted to sugar. I just couldn’t give it up and also started missing out on my exercise schedule. Initially that was due to a slight shoulder injury and upper back pain. Later it was simply inertia. I tried various options in my attempts to get back. Pushed by my husband, I tried enrolling into an uber-expensive boot camp at a swanky gym. Also tried following video exercises at home, tried an online health coaching platform and app, tried Yoga and Pilates classes, went for long walks and cycling but I didn’t stick to anything.

Irony of being a Skincare Business Development Manager

And then came eczema.  Eczema or atopic dermatitis is a dry skin condition with itchy scaly patches that gradually spreads if left untreated. I had a few patches on the face and on my arms. All dermatologists I consulted said it was due to stress/hereditary conditions. They didn’t think it was food allergies, and prescribed various kinds of steroid creams to manage the symptoms. Of course, there were miraculous results. The skin would become normal within almost 24-48 hours! But little did I know the harmful side effects. Over time, the steroid creams made my skin thinner and more sensitive. I developed a peculiar sensitivity to sunlight and would break out into a severe rash after being out in the sun. This condition got worse. I realised steroid creams were not helping matters in the long run.

A NIGHTMARE CALLED TSW….

I finally decided to wean myself off steroids and consulted a TCM (traditional Chinese Medicine) practitioner in Singapore. We found a doctor who claimed to be a specialist in TSW (Topical Steroid Withdrawal) syndrome.  He started my treatment with some herbal concoctions to drink and applying a soothing balm on affected areas. He did warn me that my condition would first worsen before it gets better. I was told that this would take time- almost up to 2-3 years to heal completely.

The first 3 months was ok- there were some reactions to the medicines but nothing alarming. And then suddenly my face started ballooning up like a puffer fish! The whole face was, red, inflamed, uncontrollably itchy and oozing. I had never experienced anything like this before or could have imagined this in my wildest dreams. I would often weep through the day in pain, and I felt so helpless and depressed. The cycle of inflammation, itching, oozing, drying up, cracking and shedding skin usually lasted for 7-8 days. One cycle rapidly following another with no respite. I will spare you the really ghastly pics but let me share one in a slightly better state, though I remember the intense pain still very clearly today. 

Sleepless nights over a few years

During this period, I decided to get a second opinion from another natural health practitioner. She advised me to get a food sensitivity test done and also to take a few supplements which would help to heal my gut. Turns out (surprise, surprise)- I am actually highly allergic to gluten, dairy, lentils and brazil nuts. I verified myself by going off these again for a few months with a sort of elimination-based diet also called the AIP or Auto Immune Protocol diet.

When I reintroduced these items (especially gluten and dairy), I would feel bloated, had irritable bowel and started getting skin rashes. I had many questions about this- how come I am allergic to these now when I have eaten them for so many years of life? Is my 2-years of Paleo lifestyle (no-grain, no-dairy diet) the reason I can’t tolerate them now? Does this mean that I can’t have these all my life?

It was a nightmarish period of 4-5 months but eventually the TSW cycle lowered in intensity and also in frequency. Now I seem to be on the road to recovery. I don’t know what has helped to make things better. Is it the TCM meds, is it the dietary supplements, is it healing my gut through the elimination diet, is it because of less stress, or perhaps it is a combination of all these factors?

WAKE UP CALL AND REAWAKENING…..

And I started looking deeper. This was the beginning of some serious thinking and reflection about food, health and life. I realised deep down inside that I had an unhealthy relationship with food and wanted to heal myself. I restarted Vipassana meditation which I had first experienced in my early 30s but had stopped practising. A 10-day meditation retreat in Myanmar helped me a bit with detoxing the body and mind. I came out with some simple yet hard realizations.

My simple realizations about the vicious cycle

• I needed to first remove the source of stress. That seemed to be a job which I wasn’t connecting with or enjoying. I needed to give myself the time and space to breathe and figure out what I wanted to do instead.
• I had to develop a better stress response system- mine seemed to be malfunctioning. Perhaps the seeds lie in some early childhood adverse experiences (more on that later) and some inherited traits. And I have further exacerbated that condition with my poor lifestyle choices over the years.
• Whenever I would get stressed, I would eat rapidly, eat more sugar/carbs to feel better, develop other unhealthy habits. I would take to smoking and drinking or try to escape through mindless tv viewing and online browsing. It’s basically being “checked out” from my life and not taking responsibility. I would feel more lethargic, have lesser energy to work out or do more at the end of the day and over the weekends.
• This would further deteriorate my stress response system and start showing up as frequent mood swings, affect my relationships and hang over like a black cloud of negativity weighing me down. This was the vicious cycle that I needed to break through.

How to breakthrough?

• The answer seemed to lie within my 2-year Paleo living phase when I have felt my best. There seems to be a link between that diet, exercise, meditation and my overall mental wellbeing.
• But what kind of food? It is real food, freshly prepared and eaten in moderation. It is an expression of love, care and nurturing for self and others. Eating more veggies, proteins, healthy fats and lower carbs has helped me. And avoiding gluten, dairy and processed foods seem to help reduce my inflammation levels and manage my eczema and IBS conditions. Yes, eating a wider variety of foods is important for getting necessary nutrients and making meals more interesting.
• But food choices are not just about health and nutrition. For me it is also about balancing taste, convenience and cost.
• And it is still a powerful part of human connections, conversations and celebrations. It has the ability to open up corridors to diverse cultures and people and helps to find familiarity in unknown terrains.
• As I started asking more questions and finding out- I feel that somewhere food awakens my inner child as I explore and experiment. It helps me to embrace being alive, spontaneous and truly accepting.
• And what kind of exercise? I think I enjoyed yoga, pilates, walks and dance the most. Gyms and weights – not as much. Well, I realized that I could just start somewhere for now even if I don’t have the perfect answers. Things would get clearer along the way.

BACK ON THE ROAD…..

Though I know where I want to be- every day I am learning how to get there. There is new information about food health, nutrition and safety every day. And I don’t have the time and the help that my mother had to prepare full-fledged meals for the family. I do want to have more joyful meals shared with my husband, friends and family but the truth is that shared meals are reducing all over. Eating out is definitely easier than home cooked meals. Somewhere food and cooking has got a little bit more complicated today. At the same time, it is not really a primary part of our day as we chase other rainbows out there. After all you want to do wonderful things in life with this amazing mind and body of yours and not spend all the time on the fuel that drives this engine, right?

Blog, Brag or simply a Rant- Sharing helps

I am putting together my experiences and learnings that help me take a leap and transcend from my current reality to this beautiful other world. Somedays it maybe a resource for recipes, articles and other information. Other days it maybe a diary for reflections and rants or simply sharing an experience that has moved me. Hopefully it will inspire present and future me & others like me in their quest of finding themselves.  I feel there is so much to look forward to each day. May love and courage guide my curiosity and creativity in this journey!

I end with a few lines which inspired this blog name and remains a guiding light through this journey.

WHERE TROUBLES MELT LIKE LEMON DROPS….

 Footnote

Update from 2024. I have actually gone further in this journey and now I’m trying a combination of things- it keeps changing to be honest. It’s a journey towards a healthier life- if not perfectly healthy. Currently, intermittent fasting, moderation in indulgences, eating more of local foods and some physical activity seems to be the course of action for me. I seek help and support from other like-minded people whenever I can. Do read my post on Migration Journey for a little more insight into my transition from Singapore to India.