Kettle Fish- Catfish Pabda Curry

Kettle Fish-Catfish Pabda Curry transmission alert. I am done with Kettle Bells. I told that to my trainers and coaches.

When I started going on walks and went to meet others who may see my point of view, I found a few but mostly it was a small village.

Some were peace-loving. But there was a lot of war in the background. I think the influence came from online and offline sources.

Did I disappoint you or invalidate your point of view, dear mother, grandmother, daughter or aunt?

I may have been weighed down by the collective anxieties of people going through their own versions of urban loneliness. Sometimes the sharing was personal, sometimes it was about someone they cared about deeply.

Kettle fish-Catfish Club Sandwich

A port is a port after all. So, there are men and women who perhaps act a bit like sailor’s wives. Some of these sailors have so-called wives in every country. I didn’t see all that before while I walked around quite lost in my own thoughts and dreams.

Here’s an ode to the Gothic novel in a comic format. Sometimes, Manga becomes Nanga to take up Panga with others. I am afraid- there’s not much there between the two legs. So, it wasn’t about that anyways.

It’s a little complicated to explain or share with others who may find it very difficult to understand. I leave it for now because I was never heard. Not even by him. Weird, eh?

So keeping it simple- you can have him. Just pay me the fees as service/labour charges for usage of another human resource that I’m being asked to share so generously.

Kettle fish-Catfish Nana to Nani

Unmasking Hana Sundori is a bit of a challenge because of the pitching at various levels. You don’t know you are being used by others to protect their own brood and clan. Perhaps to enhance their own so-called leadership qualities. You must walk away and lead from the back- much like the Unnecessary Woman.

I was always a backbencher. But somehow, this is not being recognized. I am being pulled and pushed to go sit in the front rows since they are empty and the professors are feeling a little desolate.

I realized, it wasn’t about me. Someone was super stressed, and their constitution was different from mine. Irrespective of how many walks I took to earn that 1 or 2 meals a day, I would always be admonished for being me. The response was always- we can’t help you.

I wasn’t asking for just a drink or a treat. I was asking for help of a different order or nature. A recognition of being a lawfully wedded wife.

Perhaps someone gave a tall story about my demands being too much and too many. It was easier to fool other cows and bulls.

Hunters or Farmers- both are useless

So, here’s my realization at the end of the day. I don’t want to be you. Do your own thing.

If you don’t want to listen in the first place- then what’s the point of talking. You want to invest in the future of your maid servant instead of your own wife. And all this while you drained and continue to drain my life blood? A bit fishy.

Everything that I did or tried to do is fairly redundant when I look at it from a different perspective. How does it feel to be dismissed by those who didn’t do much themselves? Sat in the background and vomited their dirty water into my bathtub. Should I throw the baby out with the bathwater? That’s the point.

The elephant in the room is my father’s death anniversary this week. I am not with my family this time. Deliberately perhaps. It’s my honest confession that I am trying to move forward from that mourning ritual. But something keeps pulling me back. Because justice hasn’t been served. Especially to all those who wronged me repeatedly.

Each year it’s a little more difficult as fewer and fewer people remain who center me to the way I knew the world to be. I don’t wish to keep on lingering and languishing to enable/disable your victory laps. You are more than capable of doing it yourself.

Right now, I can’t remember the name of this fragrance – a rose with green notes. It’s haunting me, even as I type the words. I clearly remember the smell, but I can’t quite place it, yet. Where and when.

Kettle fish-Catfish Coaches and Trainers

Famous lines- “Help me, help you“. And when I said that once upon a time, I realized how easily someone could turn around and become a loser. So, I remain silent most of the days now.

There’s no problem with turncoats in most places of this world. I retain too much of the past. You can’t push or pull an adult beyond a point. And definitely not someone who is already dead. 🙂 Perhaps physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

See it whatever way you wish that helps you move along in your own path. If you think, I am being mean, you haven’t seen meanness actually.

Ja icchhe koro is a favorite line stated by some Bengali mothers. Transliteration is- do whatever you want. However, do not go by this transliteration or translation.

In certain cases, apps do not work to give you the real meaning behind these words- written or oral.

Subtext and context are very important. The tonal quality of the spoken word (as we find in many other languages around the world) is of utmost importance. Especially if you are unable to see their faces while these words ring in your ears. Facial recognition is also being challenged these days with copycat machines.

Fear not if the experiment is not so successful. We can have Bacon, Walnut and Pear Salad later. I see rocket leaves are also in the crisper which can be added to this mix. A bit of fried onions, a couple of eggs, a little cherry sauce and we are good to go.

I am not sure, how long I will live. So, I am trying hard to share as much as I can in the little time that I have on hand.

Kettle fish-Catfish Recipe Background

Here’s my recipe dedication to help someone somewhere. It’s a simple fish curry called Pabdar Jhaal. An old classic Bengali river fish dish. Pabda is a kind of small catfish.

Some people are fonder of it than me. I like it too- no shade there. I am fonder of Paarshe which is a kind of mullet. But I make this today more because, it was my mother’s favourite. Often made for special occasions. Many a times with a mustard gravy. But I did that with Ilish– so decided to make this version instead.

Mother told me she wants to live with me. I was busy at work, so I had to ignore for the time being and thought instead of making the guestroom more comfortable for her. I had my own doubts how that would work. After a few days she denied.

Said- she doesn’t want that at all. I am a bit tired of extreme right and extreme left swings.

She’s been trying to do this spinning of the yarn and spin bowling between all of us for a long time.

Kettle fish-Catfish, I do miss my father

My mother and father shared the same birthday. I can hear him calling her but she’s not listening (as always). So, I shared this pabda fish with another lady here in the neighborhood. Her son came to collect it from me and gave me a story of multiple ashrams in Bengal.

Perhaps I should retire to those ashrams instead of the ones in Kerala or Rishikesh that I have been contemplating upon. But then, I am a little doubtful. Why is he here with his mother instead of her being in the ashram? His wife and daughter are apparently in Kolkata.

I am reminded of many people in my life who are v keen to retire into ashrams even in their 30s now. I am confused. As per our understanding of the life stages of a man/woman, this is not the age to retire from a domestic life. But what do I know. There are all kinds of arrangements these days to enable domestic peace and so called “success” or “progress”. Some of them may involve adultery as well.

So, for example, if you find your friend is fonder of catfish or catfishing, it’s a learning for you. You can choose to share it with others or keep it to yourself.

Sometimes I suspect there is more storytelling by creative people- more of fiction than fact. But then, I understand there’s always a difference in perspectives. So, it’s simpler to believe rather than question everything you hear. I would much rather know than not know.

Whether I do anything or not is a different matter because then perhaps I am being reactive or judgmental.

Does language make a difference?

Like, some of my brothers and sisters gained by sitting at home being Philosophy cats waiting for the catfish to drop from the heavens on to their plates. And there were catfishing mothers/sisters ready to feed them willingly after a rehearsal of operatic songs.

But somehow, it doesn’t work that way. Here’s the brutal truth- see if you can face it.

The boys escape with giggly indulgent titters from mothers and aunts. While I have had to go out and fend for myself, paying through my nose for every meal, every shelter and every scrap of clothing I owned. I gifted to others, and I got the gift of learning in return. Some of the learning involved how great so and so is.

What do I do, if I am unable to find that so called role model now. To like or love someone is different from seeking a guide or a mentor to follow. I’m a bit disillusioned with so-called Gurus.

Mostly, I felt a bit used and a bit taken for granted by those who talked about the merits of the fruits of the land. This is what I felt. They didn’t pay us for the fruits or give us those fruits for free (just saying). So, the knowledge- prose or poetry was good. 🙂

Today, I am trying to let it go because it doesn’t serve me to harbour those souls and then get abused more by the same iconic people giving me more knowledge at a very high cost. I don’t earn while I learn, and they do earn if I don’t save or invest.

Kettle fish-Catfish Catfight alert

I was made to do the dirty job for others who then went ahead to finance their own ways to come kill my voice and choice. You want to sing about your miseries in life to extract more from me. But then when I had really bad days, which man, woman or child helped?

I just paid a few strangers to come and help me. Even my so-called friends and relatives I had to pay to extend a helping hand. So, I really can’t understand what’s the story behind all the “Goodwill Hunting“. You have negative emotional credit now in this world. The sooner you leave, the better. That’s the message I get from Mother Earth repeatedly.

If you are a working woman turning your nose down at others- trust me, you won’t get very far. Same goes for you men out there.

I have seen two-faced people multiple times in life. I’m probably blessed or cursed that way.

But I draw the line when I’m asked to be practical and go beg again to the same abusers. I say instead, give me death. Because I have seen too much already to be completely naive.

Footnote

You smile at me in July

You share deep resounding ululations in October

There’s a sneaky smirk in November

Then you come with your baskets

And are gone in December?

I am left to face the music and the questions

While you hide behind others

With more pathetic excuses

Still I try, still I cry

And you just equate one woman with another

And say- I just want to buy a fish fry?

I am tired to be honest

Because nobody saw my worth

And I am beaten down trying to find justice

Is it all about girth or some error at birth?

I don’t need it- I said many times

There are machines that can work better than man

So, what’s the point when you say, I don’t love you

You never understood that word in the first place.

Give me another life- I tried to trade

I wanted to be an action superhero.

And he simply said- give me another wife

So, I went ahead and bought my own set

Of small, medium and large sized Knife

I don’t need a carcass of a man

I would much rather cook some

Other kind of meat…

Rendang is due- I will get to it

Because I said so.

Melting Lemon Drop 08. 06. 2025

Kettle Fish Catfish Pabda Curry

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Serves: 2 Prep Time: 15 min Cooking Time: 25 min

Ingredients

• 2 Whole Pabda Fish
• Salt and turmeric for marination
• Mustard Oil for frying
• For the gravy
• 1-2 tbsp mustard oil
• 1/2 tsp kalo jeere/kalaunji/nigella seeds
• 1-2 green chillies (sliced)
• 1 Onion sliced
• 1 tbsp crushed garlic
• 1tsp grated ginger
• 1 small tomato chopped
• 1/2 tsp turmeric powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp coriander powder
• 1 tsp cumin powder
• Water
• Chopped Coriander leaves for garnish

Instructions

1. Marinate the fish and keep aside for 10-15mins
2. Heat mustard oil in a pan and let it reach a smoking point
3. Fry the fish gently on both sides. Lower the flame after you have added the fish to prevent burning. The fish should not be over-fried. 
4. Drain the oil and clean the pan. Add back 1-2 tbsp of the oil into the pan. 
5. Sputter some of the nigella seeds and green chillies in the oil first. 
6. Add the sliced onions and saute till it is pink. Add the ginger and garlic to the oil next
7. After the raw smell is gone from the ginger and garlic, add the tomatoes. 
8. Add the seasonings and spices to this mix, add a little water, cover and let it simmer. 
9. The gravy will thicken and cook for about 10-15 mins. Add a bit more water and then place the fried fish gently into the gravy
10. Cover this and cook for 2 more mins. Check seasoning and adjust if required. Switch off and garnish with chopped coriander

Kettle Fish- Catfish Pabda Curry was last modified: June 8th, 2025 by Melting Lemon Drop

Notes

1. You can add some mustard paste to this same gravy and red chili powder and increase the spice powders if you like a spicier gravy 2. This is traditionally served with plain white rice 3. Some people like to fry the masala a bit more over low fire- this may take another additional 10mins