Rasapuli- Puli r Payesh

Here’s an attempt to make a simple dish called Rasapuli or Puli r Payesh.

Warning: This is a simple dish but time consuming to make. Getting this recipe while I worked through complex family issues makes this a bit of a disturbed and complicated post. It’s a mixed bag of celebration and mourning.

Did you think your mother was loving, kind and mother’s love is unconditional? Well, maybe you were the older child- a son or a daughter who was the mother’s first love. Perhaps then the other sibling/s always got the wrong end of the stick, Didi.

Used as a foil for mother’s entertainment when the elder child, the husband and others in her life disappointed her. Her problems were dumped on you, with her rants. Then when you did something to cheer her up you perhaps got a grateful smile. Sometimes a rare nod of approval.

Special message for all those who viewed things differently and have worked on healing their inner child. Let me assure you that I was not treated like a child.

My childhood was like an adult taking care of a disturbed mother and her son. Adulting started from a very early age in my life. Later that same mother denied my presence for years unless I entertained her, did something for her or gave gifts.

Rasapuli recipe with a family drama

I was abruptly summoned after my father died to come and be with my family again. I returned to find my mother and my brother needing medical care and all documentation in a disarray. The house in a mess, all our family jewels unaccounted, banking accounts all over the place and more confusion. What I was given during my wedding taken by my mother with my brother as a nominee along with her.

Now, many other things which I had been gifted, or I bought during my married life, is already usurped. They were taken by my husband and in laws. My husband threw me out after taking our life savings. Now I am at a stage of my life when I can’t do much myself. When I need the help and support of people, everything is twisted.

I heard a different version of same admonishing advice. Like-

• Take care of your health (without any help or support).
• Build a career (while we make you homeless).
• Find a new circle of friends and family (while we entertain ourselves with others)
• Educate yourself further (with zero cost or botheration to us)

In addition to my worries about how to take care of myself, I am being pushed towards fictional greatness. I was asked to take care of my mother’s and brother’s wrong decisions or be a silent dumb/numb witness.

Rasapuli or Puli r Payesh- new query in old bottle

She kept on making me spend for 3 years while she travelled, bought new appliances, new car and entertained others. Well, she and my brother enjoyed fully the money left by my father and grandmother. She paid further for my brother’s education, he continued to enjoy. He gets free lodging, boarding, new clothes and all the benefits of “his home”. They feel lighter and relieved. I feel burdened, accused and abused.

Why is it so different?

Where’s my home, I asked repeatedly.

Of course, your home is elsewhere! You pay yourself for it as you have done since you turned 21 or 23. (Same story repeated as husband and in laws.)

Like, when I helped or did something for all of them, it was definitely out of love. So, it’s not counted or remembered by my Mathematics teacher mother. Definitely nothing remembered by my Maths loving husband or my accountant brother.

What they did was use that to help themselves and help others. Then came back to rant about how those others disappointed them in life.

Why try or cry?

I heard these stories for years. I was used as a dustbin silently taking all their rubbish. Now it’s a vicious circle of putting pressure and stress on the person who cares for them.

Have you felt like a person being attacked by rabid street animals all around? No? Ok.

You need to experience it all over again in life. There’s no end to my miseries.

My mother will keep on stating proudly, I didn’t ask for anything. I’m with her again for her 76th Birthday. There are also a few things to be done.

Somehow there is no accounting for everything that I have done. Apparently, it all came out of thin air.

Then the bullying sullen son who stays 24×7 by her side will demand more, get more. I will bear the brunt of her negativities. Apparently, he doesn’t owe an explanation for years of cheating and mooching off her, my father and me.

Bullying by your own family

I’m told that I am abnormal and he is normal. Being a “santaan” (offspring), he is entitled to a lot. Its normal being housed, clothed and fed by parents or entire universe for almost 50 years.

(How come nobody did that for me?)

Of course, there are grand offerings of small acts of so called “charity” done once in a while. It must be done to show how respectable he is. There’s no accounting for money he has siphoned off while he lived callously. He unleashed domestic violence upon his sister who pointed out things plainly.

When I was at my most vulnerable, I was assaulted multiple times. Verbal and physical abuse by husband, mother, brother and then old friends or family members.

I was the one pleaded by my mother to leave the house for their “peaceful” codependence. Who do I narrate this to next to be believed?

My father is no more and there is no witness to my account or my side of the story.

I’m left with very few choices. I take this route online because right now it is the safest. There’s no road leading back “home” for me. That “home” was destroyed by multiple people who wiped out entire memories of anything I ever had or did.

Rasapuli, Puli r Payesh and Diabetics Galore

Now, I have to go and stress myself further to make her life comfortable. And of course my brother’s life comfortable and deal with another set of demands.

My husband and in laws have for 3 years already demanded much more.

They want further “respect” with no responsibilities towards me or my concerns. I think making a mockery of honest people’s life seems to be the mantra.

Is this a simple way of saying, woman, go fight for all of us. Fight while we sleep, eat, watch TV and make merry at your expense?

We will laugh at your miseries and what a gullible fool you were to be continuously abused. Abused by idle men repeatedly in life and then by their mothers!

If you had a different experience in life, thank you for not sharing at all. Thank you for keeping everything for yourself alone and coming back to demand more.

Rasapuli will magically appear

I am not treated as a “child” here even now- I am treated as what you call a “bank account”. An emotional bank account overdrawn frequently and an actual bank account which is abused by all.

Then I am asked to curtail expenses by doped out men who drank away all my money. And then came back to abuse me.

I’m left without a home or any protection. I paid for rent, food, clothing, healthcare and luxuries or comforts for self and others. Now, I am asked to do more, go to an ashram or get serious medical help myself. Well, I wish that advice could be given to mentally and physically ill people. They are the ones who are advising me to do so repeatedly.

Incidentally, they are all supposedly working and earning. I don’t get to see the benefits of that. So excuse me while I vomit out a little bit of the poison they gave me.

My grand acts of accomplishment

I crushed a scorpion which came into the house as I dragged a gas cylinder into the kitchen. I dragged it in because my ailing and physically weaker mother is unable to do so.

My brother was out enjoying with his friends an evening with the new car which my mother bought for him. She also provides the money for the fuel to run this car. She has financed and continues to finance his rent-free living, food, clothing, education and entertainment. All this even as he steps into a year when he may turn 50.

She runs around for him and then I get to bear the brunt of her misfortunes. Not always- only as and when they occur. What do we call this convenient system of social hierarchy?

I should ask my husband and in laws who went to talk to other men and women. How were they disrespected?

Perhaps these other men and women can help to redefine social relationships for them. Surely that enables further victimization or abuse of women married and abandoned at free will by them?

After the 3rd woman abused by them, they already have the process manual and experience for it. So, may I suggest that they don’t require further help to abuse women?

76th Birthday present to self by Ma

Come on, I’m yet to cross 50- I should definitely retire now. Octogenarians need to rule the world and scream around about how women should behave.

Now, the oily cheating conscienceless brother gives little doses of philosophy and politics. Provided with a benign saintly smile to these elders -comes out looking like a winner.

Suggestions like, we should stop cutting of birthday cakes. These are “foreign customs”! He is given more respect and I am blamed.

Next wonderful tactic- everyone turns towards me and asks me to go to the mental asylum. Lovely way to reenact Rear Window.

Are there family and friends who joined in this murdering scheme to victimise? I don’t know. Anyways I wish you all a long life to live with the knowledge of your deeds.

If you were all willing parties to this- may you see your maker soon. I cannot change this unholy and violent wave of oppression through extreme right-wing and intolerant voices.

Generous helpings of politically motivated speeches by idlers

May you get more pain and miseries in your old age. Use your ill-gotten wealth to pay more medical bills. Bills to narcissistic healthcare providers who use you further. You are used to build their coffers of wealth extracting from the sick and the weak.

It is their god given right to show suitable feelings. They are trained to tell you how you are in need of more services that benefit them further. The constant drilling of this advice will enable your brain washing. You need to avail of ways in which you can be liberated of this life.

Let’s find a way to fast forward your passage to the next life. If you don’t believe in a next life, let’s find a way to fast forward you to a disabilities scheme.

I won’t wish you peace. I wish you war, death and miseries for all the ways in which you absolved yourselves easily. Then you sat back and laughed at other’s miseries.

Children abused by narcissistic parents

Did you work silently and then backstabbed others silently. Congratulations! You have reached the pinnacle of idle greed disguised as caring asceticism. Your self-image is not questioned anymore. Your deeds speak for themselves.

Did you pretend to be a savior to help yourself rise in the eyes of others? You did this while you tried to extract and loot further? Let me help your infamy be highlighted.

My mother is busy telling others how she’s very well endowed with everything in life. But when I ask for sharing her good fortunes, she and my brother are suddenly very poor.

I have lived for a long time observing and listening to stories of love, non-violence and self-sacrifice. Little did I know that was to prepare me to be a lamb to the slaughter. I am asked to be anointed as the “Chosen one”. Chosen for accepting violence, apathy and then abuse from these very well practiced story tellers.

Therapy provided by abusing daughters further

You want a different version- try that story again with those who believe your version. Here’s a truckload of good wishes for this year which heaps you with more accolades for superior story telling. Oh, and leaves those who actually worked with blame and disrespect.

If you were so confident about your rights to do wrongs, I wish you more luck in redefining your legacy. Try again in a world which you leave so impoverished of any kind of goodwill or resources.

A world full of humans who use and abuse other humans to apparently develop animal care shelters. Or perhaps reserve forests and cultural heritage sites. These are to be visited by these same victimized humans with fewer resources.

I am a daughter who was beaten up and abused by a mother and a brother. I am a daughter who was repeatedly asked to go earn and entertain others. Then the wealth was extracted to be used by my abusers. My marriage to my husband was celebrated by them and my in laws.

Calling for a peaceful place for my death

Then the same set of people abused me for earning more, then threw me out citing whatever and extracted more. The husband went away scot-free to enjoy and party with others. He was protected by people who heard his stories about being the victim.

My mother and brother sat and looted more accusing me of wrongdoing. My extended family and friends circle then went to pretend to support me first. Later they turned around to extract more and bully me further by accusing me of wrongdoing.

Truth- this life is not beautiful. It is ugly, vicious with one-sided narratives from those who are able to bully or con weaker individuals.

And here’s me stating repeatedly, I am the victim here of abusive men and women. But the same men and women now ask me to pay for them. We have to give them more luxuries, comforts and healthcare demanded in blatant acts of extortion.

Rasapuli Recipe for Sankranti

After that, they heap scorn and ask me to go to medical facilities and get therapy or treatment. Which kind of family does this to you? What kind of mother, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, husband or in laws does this to you? What kind of friend’s circle does that to you?

I don’t know which world finds this story a joke. Whichever world that is- I wish you find more men and women like these. They make a mockery out of your work and life repeatedly to extract more from you.

Perhaps compassion develops when you actually face the same or similar situation yourselves first? I don’t see any other way of getting people to actually listen instead of pretending to listen. Hear just enough to pass by as “caring” in order to then go and extract or cheat more.

You ask others to live with less while you extracted more for yourselves. Here’s me wishing you ghastly deaths. Leave this world where you lived with a memory of free unaccounted, happy life. You are sowing seeds of miseries for generations to come.

Here’s a reminder -you then asked others to bear the cost of your wrong doings by being silent. Others are being forced to bow down to your ambitions of greed and avarice.

Rasapuli doesn’t contain Rice

Cowardly bullies, I hope you get the gloriously useless life of a hopeless man/woman. One who is unable to change anything and yet gives others false accounts. Telling others what a wonderful world or life we live in which needs to be seen to be believed!

Each of your organs will fail painfully as you disperse and sow more seeds of hatred. You face it all with false smiles and even taller tales of love. Stories of love used as another way to abuse and victimize others to benefit your own selfish ends.

You want to change subservient women who just make any man a master to then go and bully others? It’s not possible. I cannot change people.

I will show you a way to be in a world that asks about your “boss man or boss baby”.

My man is the non-existent Mr. Melting Lemon Drop. (Does that work for you, abusive men/women?)

It is better than having existent men who did nothing for you and yet demanded respect. Better than having a husband who abused you and then helped others to abuse you. Are you sure I haven’t seen enough? Base vindictiveness through silent complicity of violence and torture.

Better than having so called bosses, friends or brothers who made you work for them. Much of it for free calling it “love”, “maya” or “duty” and then abused you.

Boycott these non-rice recipes!

What work did you do?

I cooked, I cleaned, I organised, I kept house, I recruited and trained others. I worked and earned in organisations in marketing, sales, BD, M&A and also in new brand and product development. Intermittently, I worked in consulting outfits. I shared whatever I had with others. My experience was the same or similar.

The men used me first slyly to build their own reputation. Then the money was used to build up other women. Then they came back to abuse me further with the help of these women.

Who is at fault here? Nobody? Ok. Let’s try that again. (Brainwashing electrical forces and devices required now).

LOUD ECHO: I am at fault.

Why did I choose to be born? Right?

Ok- try this circular logic with every human you have interacted with who told that you are a God’s gift.

Gluten free Dairy free Recipes -a MUST

I am giving a few elders the respect they deserve by serving this bitter pill. Served instead of sugar-coated words of wisdom.

You extracted from several men and women and left them disillusioned or near suicidal. It’s something you carry as a burden.

Remember that and I wish you more stress in life while you try to prove your innocence.

Nobody heard my complaints- not even God. I had to pick myself up and rebuild a life which was demolished and destroyed by those I trusted.

Tricky cheating lying men and women who I counted as part of my so-called family and friend’s circle. People I worked for, worked with faithfully, diligently and honestly.

They turned around later to bitch about me behind my back after using and abusing me calling it “kindness”. To such kind people- I hope you see the same kindness returned with interest.

Death for non-compliant Slaves

Excuse me while I mourn a little bit for the sake of my own memories of a life lived.

My parents lived many years to also enable this so called worthless life. So did many other elders with whom I shared my love for rasapuli or pulir payesh. Some of them are no longer with us in this life.

Sharing whatever I can today. If it helps a few before my death, good. If later, that’s also ok. I hope they will share their knowledge and some of their learnings is passed forward.

I don’t have any kids to teach or carry forward some of these treasured family recipes. So I am taking this simple way to leave it here.

My feelings of inadequacy do not go away but hopefully it is adequate to do it once for this Sunday.

Rasapuli important notes

While you are absorbing all this in the background, don’t forget to check the puli mix being slow cooked. If possible, don’t leave the kitchen and keep stirring the mix continuously and pretend to be deaf and dumb.

And ask inane questions. Also answer inane questions with a smiling positive attitude. Even if you have made it many times before, pretend you have never made it.

For every apology given by the chef- deny anything is wrong. Do NOT point out mistakes. You will see immediate and swift retaliation which may be detrimental to your peaceful learning or partaking of that dessert.

Slyly deride other chefs or cooks in between – do it subtly. Very heavy-handed blows will not cut through. Will appear to be dishonest or sycophantic. Best thing is not to open your mouth.

After you have had the dish- give your honest feedback or review. If you are lactose intolerant or sensitive and still want to try a little bit- pop a pre-probiotic pill after the meal. It may help in easier digestion.

Footnote

A passenger in a car-ride

Did you find it difficult to return to innocence

Pretend to be stupid so that others could talk more

Or play really bad music?

And unlearn a lot so that you could learn more

Yes, I did.

And sometimes my silence was taken as agreement

So, speak up and don’t hesitate when you see something

Grossly wrong.

You turned your attention elsewhere and saw more

Dirt, noise, ugliness and pollution

The stench of decay and destruction apparent to

Those who are not blind.

And yet you have to be able to walk away to let others do their jobs

You couldn’t have done better than many of them

And you couldn’t have done better than yourself-

Many years ago, you were meant to do the same thing

Over and over again.

But this much I know- admiring the good in others

Is not very difficult if you have an open heart

But knowing what was really good

Sometimes takes a whole lifetime

And then finding there are always

Shades of grey in between the colours

That emerge after a sun kissed shower

That blessed the land with vibrant hues

Of a rare wonderous rainbow.

Melting Lemon Drop 18. 01. 2026