Potol er Dolma

Potol er Dolma is perhaps an influence from Turkey or other Middle Eastern countries. Would you like to read or search more about it? Potol also known as parwal in some parts of India is a tropical vegetable- known commonly as pointed gourd. It is often added with potatoes in fish curries or made into fritters, a dry subzi or dalna.

I am just paying an homage through the use of a vegetable which is colloquially used in phrases associated with death. In Bengal where I come from, “Potol tulechhe” is an idiom which is another way to say somebody “kicked the bucket”. I don’t know why- there can be some random folklore concocted behind it. I’m going to rip off the painful band aid here and talk about death.

We have had quite a few deaths in recent times. This week, heard about Nepal flash floods, students dying in IIT Delhi, death of Dolly Parton and art/fashion/design icon Yayoi Kusuma. Do they mean the same as your own family or friend’s circle? I contemplated. The honest answer is a resounding No.

Potol er Dolma with a Chronicle of Death

My first experience of death was when my paternal grandfather passed away. But I was too young then and I don’t remember. When my great grandmother from my maternal side (amma) passed away, I was old enough, but I don’t remember that either. The earliest vivid memory I have is of my maternal grandfather passing away.

Suddenly one fine day he had a stroke, was in a hospital for a couple of days and we got the news that he died. He was brought into the home for people to pay the respects before the last rites. I remember seeing his corpse lying on a slab of ice and thinking the impossible has happened.

Apart from grieving, I remember being put to use…making lemonade (shikanji) for the visitors along with the househelp. And making sure everyone had a drink and a sweet (sandesh). The house was crowded with so many people, and I would try to spot a few known faces to say hello.

He was a very active old man and had a mercurial temper. For him, everything had to happen in a certain way through the day. Food was to be on the table right after he had taken a bath and his temper would flare up if there was a delay. Also, his meals were very predictable- same things more or less unerringly and he didn’t contribute anything to the planning, the cooking or the fare on the table. That was completely my grandmother‘s domain.

Potol er Dolma was a rare dish

I saw a repetition of that later when my parents aged. I saw how my father (who was a good cook himself) was seldom allowed to enter the kitchen other than to make tea or some dishes when my mother was unwell.

But he did the shopping for the ingredients- vegetables or fish and that was a way in which he had a say about what was to be prepared. She complained so often about him buying all kinds of ingredients which were difficult to cook. 🙂 This was as long as he was well enough to do so.

Potol or pointed gourd is a very common easily available vegetable that was often in his shopping bag. As kids we didn’t like it much because it was cooked so often during summers or monsoons.

But it was seldom made with stuffings. Usually done when we had guests at home. And as kids we really looked forward to it.

Potol er Dolma a hand-me-down recipe

Given this kind of a family history, I thought that’s the way life turns out to be as you marry and grow older. But here’s me sharing my confusion with the death of old ways.

I saw many women of my generation take no interest in cooking. I saw many men gladly take up their share of the household chores. Sometimes, there was an easy role reversal and perhaps that transition came more as we interacted with other formats of division of household chores. In some cases, it was more of “You do the breakfast, I’ll do the dinner”. Doing the dishes or cleaning up- that was really not liked by most people I met.

In other cases, there was more of a split depending upon the workload during the day of the week. After I got married, we had a full time stay at home helper (quite a few actually) but turned out that I was required to train her, manage her and do the meal planning with her. Keeping her engaged required a lot of work actually and mostly I tried by teaching her new things.

I remember Potol er dolma required some work together in cleaning out the insides and stuffing them with meat/fish. That’s when we could have a little bit of a conversation though communication was usually a challenge with some of the language barriers.

Potol er Dolma is not exactly guiltfree

At a mundane level this recipe is loaded with calories- so not exactly guiltfree. At a deeper level, I am going to talk about a more loaded pointed finger that leads to many people sinking into a darkness of coulda woulda shoulda. I talked about regrets and one of my regrets is that I was unable to manage the household chores smartly.

Today, I get a lot of advice on dopamine hacks given that I am surrounded by many depressed people. It’s the season of illnesses for some. Some of us are at that life stage when we have many elders who have passed away. Their partners, family members or close friends do go through that void which has a peculiar way of manifesting in different other ways.

In some other cases, we have a bit of a void in the lives of empty nesters. Somehow there’s a codependence there which I know everyone kind of grapples with, in their own way.

I am older and yet not exactly part of the boozy mums’ club. Or the merry cackling widow’s club. My approach tends to be a bit pedantic and not so fun. This is what I saw suggested in some forum.

I’ve tried most of them in different stages of my life while dealing with ailing people or my own illnesses. They work. But hey, you need to find the time and the right company to make them work. Some of these can be solitary pursuits as well.

Potol er Dolma over the years

My husband and partner may remember the things done together over the years that we shared with each other. But today there’s a concerted effort to wipe out everything in a bid to converge the narrative towards a blackened image of a cruel woman. We will let that pass. He’s still alive, that’s what I care about now.

In the interest of others learning- do examine and try a few of these if you are feeling down and out. My younger self is asking me to chin up and take another blow to my pride. Help others who maybe more in need of support or comfort. Notwithstanding the multiple levels of false allegations faced (in my case), life is tough for most people anyways.

I have a few more months in this year left to push a little more towards my goals. Also to help a few others in some of their tricky goals. I’m there should they need me. I have spent more than 5 days doing much of this below- so I guess they helped me to survive.

They don’t necessarily need to be done in 5 days but it’s a useful checklist for those who like neat, organized checklists. 🙂 I feel that real life is kind of messier for many of us but it’s the thought that counts.

Potol er Dolma for Rakhi

I wanted to celebrate Rakhi more as a way to send out some positive vibes. But there’s a dark cloud of many who are unwell. My neighbour mentioned a recent bereavement in her family too. And yet she’s celebrating Rakhi in her quiet way. I took some courage from her words and decided to still go ahead and have a small gathering.

These are people who have been in my life since I was a wee toddler. They have seen me at my best and worst. I can really weep unabashedly or laugh crazily without any judgment in a room with them. And that’s the kind of safe space you need at times when you are really down and out.

I realised the energy that was being sapped through many hurdles in working with people who may not be able to communicate very well. Some are avoidants and others actually have a lot on their plates. I looked into what could boost my own creativity and conviction in what I was doing.

I spoke to my neighbor’s teenage daughter, and she was so excited about this book series. Some lighter reading like this might be just what the doctor ordered. She wants to discuss this more- so I thought I will give it a go. 🙂

For easy everyday snacks, her suggestion is cheese toast in an air fryer or quesadillas made out of leftover chapatis. That I think is very doable and a great idea.

Potol er Dolma for anxious people

So many people are unwell, and my mother sounded really anxious. Do you have enough food? This is one of the dishes being made to serve others. Not the only dish. I don’t know how to respond to that- she can be really mean or sarcastic nothing new there. Sometimes it is couched under words of extreme care or concern. But I have kind of been through that act multiple times in life. I need to nag her more to take her medicines on time. She’s becoming worse as she ages. More like vinegar than sweet wine. We are not using vinegar today but it’s useful too.

For the Potol er Dolma, I am using minimum spices. Kind of regular ones that you get in most kitchens here. Prep work is important and I am thankful that my helper has done most of the things needed in chopping and cleaning up.

Given that there is seasonal flu doing the rounds. It’s important for the caregivers to take care and get enough rest.

The recipe requires a few steps and is really good to make along with kids in the house if you have them running around. I recommend doing it one day ahead of when you are planning to serve it. That makes the process of cooking less stressful and more enjoyable.

Potol er Dolma has Five Parts

While I share the detailed recipe below, let me simplify by saying that you can look at it as a Five Part Process.

1. Prepping the Potol and other ingredients
2. Preparing the Stuffing
3. Stuffing the Dolmas
4. Frying the Dolma
5. Making the Gravy

Now, if you don’t want to have it with a gravy, just skip the fifth step and make it into delicious stuffed fries as a starter. That’s a great adaptation of a classic traditional recipe. So, it can double up as a glutenfree starter instead of a maincourse.

I often wonder, who is going to go through the pains of doing this? I trust there are still enough people interested. How does my chronicle help? I don’t know. Right now, you maybe actually looking for just a simple soup or a steamed fish. But let me keep this in memory for access later when you have the festivities and the gatherings to make it a special dish to remember.

Perhaps others can relate to stuffed zucchinis, courgettes and whatever else is available locally to create their own delicious, delightful concoctions. Pointed gourd is particularly suitable because it is not as watery as many of the other gourds/summer squashes and holds its shape very well.

Footnote

Pretty is what Pretty Does

I was told from my childhood you are nothing

So I grew up trying to do something that helps

Blamed repeatedly for trying and abused

Became an easy target for others who sat idly

Mocked, talked and made into a scapegoat and then bullied some more

I asked many times, what did I do to deserve these crimes

And the only answer I got is it’s just the nature of these times

I couldn’t change myself to get onto the other side of the fence

To become a bully to try to vindicate myself

I am still a woman and cannot be an abusive rapist man.

And yet, somehow, it was indicated that the man was innocent

Every time, each man was innocent. It was you who was at fault

Today, I say to my brothers and sisters who maybe still alive

I love kids so much but really afraid for their sake

I am so glad I didn’t bring another child

To this nasty hive of lynching snatching accusing prehistoric tribe.

Melting Lemon Drop 30.08.2026

https://youtu.be/E6QLxA2JBZ4